My apologies

Candle-lit faces, Candle-lit gazes

Last night was AUSMAT 21's grand dinner. I went and that is to be considered an achievement (yeah, boo-hoo I'm a loser). I mean, I paid RM80 and all. I believe, it's the first time I ever went to any social gathering (of such scale) quite so willingly. I really wanted to see everybody all dressed up and happy and stuff.

It was nice. I don't know. I wimped out when everybody started singing at the end of the dinner. I left. It was dark so people didn't really notice.

It was dark because the committee planned a surprise gift thingy for the lecturers. They gave twenty of us one of those small perfumed candles and had another twenty carrying roses and a small gift follow us in the dark to where the lecturers sat. The candle bearers stood in a circle around the lecturers' table, the gift bearers handed their gifts, then the lecturers blew each of the candles out. Pagan much? Hahah. Naww, it was nice. Some of the lecturers actually cried and that probably worthed much more than RM80 I'd say.

It was after the candle-gift event that the singing started. It was still dark while I made my getaway. Pretty darn rude of me to sneak off like that and not tell my classmates. They looked nice in the diffused light and I want to remember them like that. I only bid farewell to Alia (fellow victim of Otago's mass interview slaughter session. Egh, I'm just sore. Ignore me). She insisted that I at least say goodbye to the others but I just gave her hand another squeeze, an apologetic smile and left.

I bet she cried when the singing ended. She's such a nice person and she always cries when things gets a bit, uh, 'feely' and I don't want to see her cry. Saw her cry plenty of times already. After the interview, after the interview results came out, at the class party... so none of that for me.

Blame my conspicuous avoidant nature but really I just don't want to say goodbye and that's that. Hopefully, I won't ever have to say goodbye to any of them at any point in the near or not-so-near future. Let everything stay as if we'll all just meet up in class tomorrow (though thank god NOT! Haha).

Thus the end of the College phase. What's next remains to be seen.

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P.S:

I've finished reading 3 of my Big Bad Wolf purchases. One was crappy (Exurbia by Molly McGrann), the other two were absolutely brilliant (The Reminder by Rune Michaels & Beat The Reaper by Josh Bazell). Also, Beat The Reaper has this 'medical/mobster' game at its website. If you have nothing to do, then do click.

Exurbia was an unplanned purchase anyway. *sigh* Never judge 'Young Adult' books by their covers. Never. Not that Exurbia's cover is particularly attractive anyway though.

Liberty

I have officially finished the South Australian Matriculation (S.A.M). The results of my South Australian Certificate of Education (S.A.C.E) shall be known on the 16th December 2010.

What more is there to say? :)

To celebrate, here's something I wrote sometime during SPM. Form 4 and 5 seemed to last decades instead of two years. I remember scribbling this in one of my notebooks while studying. Those days, I care not to return to them. SPM was, IS, a nightmare. Sheesh.

Liberty

Can you smell it?

The scent wafting towards us,

Sweet and delicious,

Perfume of 'freedom'.

Can you feel it?

Tugging at our toes,

Teasingly soft caresses,

Of awaited 'Liberation'.

Can you hear it?

Whispering our names,

Beseechingly silent,

The winds of 'Release'.

Can you see it?

Just over the horizon,

Fleeting glimpses,

Of dawning 'Liberty'.

Run we must not,

Savour the flavour,

These cold shackels,

Soon,

No longer part of us.

P.S: Tomorrow, Big Bad Wolf Book Sale! *howlsssssssss* Now, BE JEALOUS heh.

See you in May

I've had my week of indulgence :) Yeap. I went to class only to tune out whatever's being said and went back home only to melt into a puddle of Hugh and went to sleep only to dream of November.

Wonderful week indeed.

Now I shall face the music and do whatever I can to fix myself before 7th of May. Because really, there's no beauty in misery without the glory. Though I'm most likely not gonna attain anything 'colourful' I'd like to believe that I actually did, try.

Hopefully, this time around, CARPE DIEM won't be quite so impossible.

P.S: I ain't giving up Hugh though. 'In betweens' are 'In betweens' y'know.

My Future Is Hanging By A Thread

It's been a while huh. The significance of my life now lays in the hands of never ending assignments, quizzes and tests that just never cease to pile up. I've tests and quizzes every freaking week, sometimes twice a week! They're usually at night too. Freaking annoying. Say hello to SAM (South Australian Matriculation) though they call it AUSMAT in INTEC, it's actually SAM.

Had a terrible chemistry test last week. It was difficult as HECK. Chemistry was NEVER that hard before! Organic chemistry is interesting but applied questions can be tricky. ESPECIALLY when you only have 1hour 10mins to answer a BUNCH of structure questions + an essay. The lecturers did it on purpose. I swear they did. Just to trip us up so that we'll kick ourselves into overdrive for the mid year exam in May.

Got my biology test paper too, got ANOTHER accursed B, 76% this time. Only one person in my class got A, 84% (Rabihah yg comel). Aaaaa...and guess what? I saw the biology marks of this other chinese guy who's gonna do dentistry in NZ (me too, hopefully) from another class. He got 90% for test 1 and 93% for the recent one. Like, DAMN. I feel worthless. I NEED those kind of marks. Dentistry's TER for Uni Otago is TER96 yo! Haish.

That aside, my IELTS test is in 2 weeks. On the 23rd and 24th April. Egh. Abaikan.

What else? I don't know. I'm not even going to bother writing bout maths, EVER. I'll just do what I can, and hopefully I'll land myself an A sometime soon. THEN, I'll write something bout maths.

Hurry up MAY, end soon Mr. April. I wanna bade goodbye to you. I only have one week of mid year exams in May (the 2nd week). 1st week, got one week holiday (Study Leave for Mid Year exams), after exams it's SEM BREAK oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh. One month :) (Mid May til Mid June).

Then we'll be studying without breaks til August. September got mid sem break again + Trials. October, nothing I suppose. Just REVISE REVISE REVISE. Then finally, the real SACE exams (1st November til 10th November).

So you see? I'm trying to keep myself focused and motivated here. Wish me luck. I'll be needing lots of it.

P.S: Bought myself a new book last weekend, Tender Morsels by Margo Laganan. It's DISTURBING, yet...I don't know. It's quite poetic, the tragedy of it and all. Never read anything like it before. And to think it's a YA book...the themes are rather mature. A fantasy, a dark fantasy. And I mean that really, and NO not dark as in werewolves + vampires + suave cardboard musterious heros...rubbish. There's not even a dude in it :S besides the psycho dad n the weird midget.

Black Sheep

Got C for my FIRST math Quiz. It is LOADS better than last sem's but I, am STILL, a BELOW average maths student. *feels like cussing* I'm a math retard, I need to fix this quick. I'll work HARDER for an A. I can do it, I know I can. *glares at her maths test paper* *feels the urge to hit her head against the wall* Damn.

Egh, that aside. I'm doing okay I suppose. Nothing much happened* I'm on a relatively good terms with everybody, not that I ever get into fights anyway, which is kinda impossible for me since I limit social interactions to a minimum.

Anyway, I think my new classmates seem to have figured out that I'm a loner haha. I don't 'flock' with anybody, I'm unaffliated (I actually wrote a poem bout this but I deem it much too revealing of me to post it :S), the black sheep that bleats at a different pitch (damn, well, that's actually part of the poem...). Egh. I'm fine with it being this way, but it's quite a shock when sometimes the thought that I'm actually spending most of my time in my head hits me with such clarity. It's a little disarming, that's all.

What else? Oh, I had my chemistry test last NIGHT. Yeah, it's horrendous to spend 14 hours straight in class/halls etc. I think I did ok but I knew I did not perform at a level I expected I'm capable of. That of course, left me with that familiar and nasty feeling of 'inadequacy'. When you have expectations without the effort and preparation to back it up, expect to be disappointed. Merely one of the life's rules that I often contemplate in my abundance of 'living in my head' sessions.

Quizzes and tests aside, Chinese New Year break starts in 2 days. I'm going to work hard on my maths this holiday. I also plan to wash my car, bathe my cats and maybe go for a movie or something but mostly, I plan to study.

Oh yeah, Ain is flying off this Sunday. Yeap, the time has come for her to flip the page and enter a new chapter of her life as a university student. It gets me thinking, a lot. Which makes me anxious of course. Contemplating future related things ALWAYS makes me anxious. I fret on my bad maths marks mostly, and the shaky possibility of me getting a good TER to fly to New Zealand and do a degree in Dental Surgery (University of Otago, Dunedin, NZ).

I'm also reading Dostoevsky (or Dostoyevsky)'s The Brothers Karamazov. Borrowed it from Mai. The book has an odd scent (yes, I sniff the books I read), the usual yellowed paper scent with a hint of something sharp. I don't know, it keeps flitting in my head that it smells...'sharp' when I read it. It also has traces of what appears to be talcum powder haha. Entahla, barang kepunyaan Maisarah, siapa yang tahu bukan? Mungkin pernah disembur racun lipas :P Jk jk.

I've only read 4 chapters, so far it is highly interesting. It's been a while since I read such thought provoking works. To top it off, the guy is apparently, arguably one of the best authors to have lived and The Brothers Karamazov is his last work, also considered his greatest. It gives your mind something to chew, doesn't it?

That's it really. I've nothing more that I wish to elaborate on. Bye.

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* - Besides me taking a whole week off for a mini family reunion in Melbourne, Australia 16/1 - 1/2. We watched tennis. It was epic. Something I'd like to keep in my private thoughts. Some things are simply that precious to me.

Turn Off The Gravity

Finally, I have a definite goal to aim for. Yes, I've found out the TER I need to score in order to secure a conditional offer to study DENTISTRY in University of OTAGO, New Zealand. Here's what I need:

TER96

I've been obsessing over this since I set foot in INTEC. Like eghhh. All I needed to do is fill in the enquiry form at SELSET's official page, here: http://www.selset-newzealand.com/contactus.htm

So simple, should've figured this out earlier. All those hours I spent scouring sites, blogs and what not to

Anyway, got a feedback a couple of hours after I submitted the form. Which is neat! :D Those peeps working in SELSET are doing their job right. Kudos to them. For future references, I shall put up my enquiry and the feedback I received so that if there're noobs like me out there looking for this sometime in the future might find it here :)

Enquiry: I'm an AUSMAT 21 student studying in INTEC, UiTM Shah Alam on JPA's scholarship and is also NEW ZEALAND bound.

JPA offered me to study DENTISTRY in UNIVERSITY OF OTAGO.

I've checked the official site of UNI of OTAGO and found out that DENTISTRY students will have to complete HEALTH SCIENCE first before continuing 2nd yr in Dentistry.

[Yes, everyone going for medical related studies such as dental surgery must go through the Health Science First Year before qualifying into the 2^ndyear]

The requirements table at the site stated that the TER requirement for Health Science is TER85. JPA's cut off point is TER90 but I know that the real TER requirement to do DENTISTRY in Otago is higher.

[The University website listed entry requirement is for “the rest of the world” so to speak. This way of entry is that you of into HSFY, you must attain 1^syears HSFY results of A or better in order to be qualified to be into the section for entry into the 2ⁿyear. To be selected, you will need to meet the academic (HSFY academic results standard), obtained a good UMAT test results, pass the interview process. If all goes well then you will be offer to continue your studies in the 2^nd year of dental surgery.

If you apply through our Centre, we will submit your application around Aug 2010 using your mid term results at INTEC. The University will then do a selection for interview, they will come in to INTEC and interview students who have been selected for interview. If you have been successful in the interview , you will be given a Conditional offer of place to Health Sciences First Year (pending meeting the TER entry requirement to HSFY – currently it is at TER >=96). You will also be give a Conditional Offer into second year of Dental Surgery (pending the stated grades you must obtain – B+ average)]

So, I would like to know exactly what is the TER requirement for a JPA scholar student like me to study dentistry in Otago?

[For JPA cut off, you will need to check with JPA we are not able to comment]

Thank you for lending your time to read this. Hope to get a reply soon :)

SUBMIT: Submit

Yeap. SELSET peeps are good. The stuff in blue is what I wrote, then they replied through e-mail like that. I coloured the replies in red so you can see em' clearly. That just shows they really read my enquiry and clarified things thoroughly instead of just telling me I need TER96 end of story. Haha.

To get TER96 I'm estimating a minimum of a 20, and a combination of 18s and/or 17s for the 5 SACE papers I need to sit for in November. I've done my homework regarding this, asked around for the info. A friend of a friend of mine got TER97.25 with a 20 and a combination of 18s and 17s. So that's what I'll need. Oh, do note that 17+ is an A. 16 is B.

That's that then. TER96, be mine. Turn off the gravity and let me fly...