Black Sheep

Got C for my FIRST math Quiz. It is LOADS better than last sem's but I, am STILL, a BELOW average maths student. *feels like cussing* I'm a math retard, I need to fix this quick. I'll work HARDER for an A. I can do it, I know I can. *glares at her maths test paper* *feels the urge to hit her head against the wall* Damn.

Egh, that aside. I'm doing okay I suppose. Nothing much happened* I'm on a relatively good terms with everybody, not that I ever get into fights anyway, which is kinda impossible for me since I limit social interactions to a minimum.

Anyway, I think my new classmates seem to have figured out that I'm a loner haha. I don't 'flock' with anybody, I'm unaffliated (I actually wrote a poem bout this but I deem it much too revealing of me to post it :S), the black sheep that bleats at a different pitch (damn, well, that's actually part of the poem...). Egh. I'm fine with it being this way, but it's quite a shock when sometimes the thought that I'm actually spending most of my time in my head hits me with such clarity. It's a little disarming, that's all.

What else? Oh, I had my chemistry test last NIGHT. Yeah, it's horrendous to spend 14 hours straight in class/halls etc. I think I did ok but I knew I did not perform at a level I expected I'm capable of. That of course, left me with that familiar and nasty feeling of 'inadequacy'. When you have expectations without the effort and preparation to back it up, expect to be disappointed. Merely one of the life's rules that I often contemplate in my abundance of 'living in my head' sessions.

Quizzes and tests aside, Chinese New Year break starts in 2 days. I'm going to work hard on my maths this holiday. I also plan to wash my car, bathe my cats and maybe go for a movie or something but mostly, I plan to study.

Oh yeah, Ain is flying off this Sunday. Yeap, the time has come for her to flip the page and enter a new chapter of her life as a university student. It gets me thinking, a lot. Which makes me anxious of course. Contemplating future related things ALWAYS makes me anxious. I fret on my bad maths marks mostly, and the shaky possibility of me getting a good TER to fly to New Zealand and do a degree in Dental Surgery (University of Otago, Dunedin, NZ).

I'm also reading Dostoevsky (or Dostoyevsky)'s The Brothers Karamazov. Borrowed it from Mai. The book has an odd scent (yes, I sniff the books I read), the usual yellowed paper scent with a hint of something sharp. I don't know, it keeps flitting in my head that it smells...'sharp' when I read it. It also has traces of what appears to be talcum powder haha. Entahla, barang kepunyaan Maisarah, siapa yang tahu bukan? Mungkin pernah disembur racun lipas :P Jk jk.

I've only read 4 chapters, so far it is highly interesting. It's been a while since I read such thought provoking works. To top it off, the guy is apparently, arguably one of the best authors to have lived and The Brothers Karamazov is his last work, also considered his greatest. It gives your mind something to chew, doesn't it?

That's it really. I've nothing more that I wish to elaborate on. Bye.

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* - Besides me taking a whole week off for a mini family reunion in Melbourne, Australia 16/1 - 1/2. We watched tennis. It was epic. Something I'd like to keep in my private thoughts. Some things are simply that precious to me.